so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
