Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
someone owes me an orgasm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
