I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
