My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
