do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
