I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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