he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
