dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
