the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
