I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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