guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
