went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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