My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
