I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
