i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
