dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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