____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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