she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
