It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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