Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
