he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
