Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she looked like the before picture.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
