somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
