Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
