D3 body, D1 cock
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
