I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
