Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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