Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
