glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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