You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
