i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
