The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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