Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
