how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
