I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
