Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
