in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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