She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
