you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
