Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
