I have demons in me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
