and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
