Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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