and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
