If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
