my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
