very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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