I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
