People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
