He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
