For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
