Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
